Honestly Me

One of the characteristics I've prized since I was a child—besides loyalty—is honesty. I can get along better with friends who are a little testy but I know where they stand, than ones always kind to my face but I never know how they feel.

Being a pursuer of honesty sure sounds virtuous, but it has a snag. How much is too much? 

This came up this summer. I had a roommate who was raised to believe that showing annoyance or even weariness is not acceptable. That one should always be pleasant.

I don't disagree that there is a point for this; one doesn't need to reveal every feeling nor should one. But there seems an element of dishonesty when one is upset by something someone has done, yet acts as if one is still on the best of terms with the other.

Because of this internal dilemma, I find I instinctively wish to avoid the person who has hurt me. This gives me time to figure out the storm within me and pray for peace. My reaction to a situation too is usually delayed. Anger or hurt often arises after a time of reflection. Dealing with this before being faced with the provocateur allows me to react in an honest, but appropriate matter.

Truthfully (since we're on that topic), if the hurt is deep, I would prefer to forgive them, but not ever have to face them again. Maybe I have done that in my past. 

Lately, God has brought several people into my life to humble me, yet He won't let me run from them. I'll have to face them again. I'll need to deal respectfully with them. Yet, I also want to be honest in my interaction and not treat them differently to their face than I feel behind their back. 

I know prayer is the best way to change an attitude, but it still isn't easy.

Have you wrestled with this? If so, what has helped you?