What About Me?

FOCUS
I remember once as a child asking God for something and using as my bargaining tool (whether or not it helped) that I rarely asked for anything for myself. Well my prayers have changed. I still love to pray for others, but find my mind often jumping back to my own heart-concerns or desires in the midst of my intercession.

Don't get me wrong. Sharing our burdens with the Lord is one of the things we're admonished throughout Scripture to do (Psalm 37:5, Psalm 55:22, Proverbs 16:3, Matthew 6:25-34, 1 Peter 5:7). It's just a matter of focus. And my focus is frequently off.

WHO'S IT ALL ABOUT?
John the Baptist's disciples were like me. When they baptized repentant Jews at the river and looked across at the crowd Jesus drew to be baptized, they complained to John. Instead of joining them in worrying about his declining position, John simple stated—

"He must become greater; I must become less." ~John 3:30

Jesus Himself did not come seeking the comforts, rewards, or accolades of this life. He told one would-be follower that He had "no place to lay His head." He knew that He was commissioned here for a short while and for a unique purpose. Even in this knowledge, He declared proudly His complete dependence on God the Father.

"I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by Himself; He can do only what He sees His Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does....for I seek not to please Myself but Him who sent Me. ~John 5:19, 30b 

WHO CALLS THE SHOTS?
If the perfect Son of God cannot afford to live independently from the Father, we—who are in constant need of putting to death the flesh—certainly cannot afford selfish independence.

Paul describes it this way:

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

   Who, being in very nature^a God,

   did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

   but made Himself nothing,

   taking the very nature^b of a servant,

   being made in human likeness.

   And being found in appearance as a man,

   He humbled Himself

   and became obedient to death—

   even death on a cross! ~Philippians 2:5-8

To the Galatian church, Paul wrote—

"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me." (2:20)

If only this death to flesh was a once for all decision, but it's daily. By daily realizing life is "not about me" and daily recognizing our dependence on God for all that is good, we allow Christ to live through us.

When C.S. Lewis' wife, Joy, began the journey of discovering her own insignificance and remembering with shame how others must view her because of her past life, she concluded: "Who am I, that I shouldn't look like a fool?

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN'T GET IT RIGHT?
Lest we think that some people don't struggle with this, Paul shares his close-to-despairing cry—

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! ~Romans 7:24

What started me thinking about this today was an hour-long conversation I had with God on a walk in a graveyard. I realized how much my own desires have been distracting me from Him. THEY became my focus. (Or, in reality, I was my focus.) My wants consumed my thinking, led me on rabbit trails during prayer or reading. I knew, if my hopes failed (which personal experience has taught me to expect this type of dream to fail), my emotions would plummet. I had centred my energy around—not something bad, but having stolen my focus it became—an idol.

Even in "releasing" my grasp on this dream, my silly self betrayed partial motive. I had to also confess that in surrendering, something inside me hoped it might lead to God to reward me with what I wanted.

Oh, wretched one I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?

WHAT'S THE ANSWER?
So what's the answer? What's the twelve-steps we need to take to master the old and put on the new? If Jesus death was in essence our own death to our old nature, then why do we still struggle with it?

In older times, Christians referred to the "mortification of the flesh." Their extreme view of this is not what I'm after. In, however, the realization that daily "I" am the enemy of my soul, the continual need to receive from God through His Word and give up "my rights" to Him prayer, and the understanding of my absolute need of Him to be my righteousness—this is the mortification we need. While we still live in this body, we will always need to engage in this battle.

Paul says in Romans 7:25 that in the mind we realize our need of God, but in our old nature we are slaves to sin. We must feed the new nature.

Keith Green, a popular 1960s Christian rock singer, wrestled constantly with surrender. In his song Draw Me, he cries:

Help me, oh help me, please help me my Jesus.
Save me from sins that I thought were all gone.
Kill me with kindness, and break through my blindness.
I know till I'm dead I can never live on.

So what about you? Am I the only one who struggles so much with self-centredness? What do you struggle with and what have you found that helps?
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If you haven't read it, I'd recommend reading the biography of Keith Green—No Compromise.