If God Says No

I've been contemplating lately about longings. Bear with me.

Longings are not only universal, but relatively constant. Even in a state of contentment, we get hungry...

My questions have come from analysis of the past and present, and questions of the future.

Recently, I acquired a copy of two letters from a member of The White Rose (an anti-Nazi, German university resistance group) and her fiance. The letters have never been published in English. Many of The White Rose members were killed with personal and national dreams unfulfilled and never knew that their movement was later used by the Allies.

I've mentioned before, Dietrich Bonhoeffer died two days before the Allies freed Germany. Corrie ten Boom, lost her family in a concentration camp and, after all she'd been through, would daydream of taking a walk with a man she'd dated before the Holocaust.

Two of my friends have lost spouses this year: one in an accident, the other from an aneurysm. Both have confidence they will see their loved one in heaven, but never again on earth.

These examples are mainly relational, but Hebrews 11, the Hall of Faith chapter, lists many heroes, who died with a variety of hopes unfulfilled. Yet, they had confidence in God, who keeps His promises.

So, as I bring my request before God, I'm reminded that He may say "no." If He does, I am left with the question of how I will respond. Will I accept His answer or will I pout (and when the longing is great, it's hard to accept that it may be satisfied another way than how I hope)? Will I seek Him only for what I want or will I seek Him for Himself?

It's not as easy as it sounds, is it? Like in every area of life, I've found it is a process of surrender, which may have to be learned again.

What about you? How are you learning the difference between seeking God versus seeking His benefits?

What Are You Wishing For?

Does it seem right now that what you would like most, what seems good, what you're wishing for is completely out of reach? Sometimes even when it feels like God has been opening pathways in the right direction, you still wind up in a giant field at a dead end?

I was reminded tonight of a passage I love, but am continually in need of learning.

"Trust in Yahweh with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I love God's patience with me. It's funny and sad how I hate giving that patience back to Him when He says "wait."

Do you have something you're holding back from God, afraid that He will say no? Let's trust Him, ignore our doubt, and follow in the way we know will please Him. If you have never given Him your heart, well, that's the place to start.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." ~Jim Elliot

What Do I Do with This Hope?

Normally, we think of hope in a good sense. And, it is, properly applied. But, what do you do with hope that creeps in and is unassigned, as it were; it's too early to label it good or bad?

Obviously, this comes from some thinking I've been doing lately. A hope has awakened that is, in itself, neither good nor bad. It is just hope. I feel like I've been holding it in my hand, analyzing it. Should I crush it? Should I nurture it? With it comes fear. If it is not something that may be reality, I fear the heart sickness of hope deferred (Proverbs 13:12).

I'd have to say, overall, I'm a fairly contented person. I easily entertain myself, I'm happy in solitude or in the company of good friends or co-workers. That's why when this sleeping giant, that I thought might actually be dead, awakens, it disrupts my whole life. This time it is based on a more real hope than I have possibly ever known.

So this is what it came down to: I was counseled, indeed I counseled myself as well, to trust in God. He (of course, He does!) has the best in mind for me. If He doesn't want it, logically, I wouldn't want it either. Right? Emotionally, however...

C.S. Lewis is quoted as saying, “We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” More and more I relate to the man in the New Testament that said to Jesus, "I believe, help my unbelief."

I find I'm more complex then I thought. My motives are never fully clear, even when I think I know them. I'm comforted that David, Paul, and others in the Bible also discovered this about their own hearts.

In Psalm 19:12, David said, "Who can discern his errors? Clear me from hidden faults."

Paul concurred, "My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me....He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts..." 1 Corinthians 4:4, 5

So, though I trust God, I find, at the same time, a battle to trust Him. If you have lived long, you will probably relate. I believe that at the end of the day, what He wills is exactly what I would want. Yet, what do I do with this hope? Do I trust God that the hope is good and will be fulfilled?

No. I must trust God to be God. That's all. I hold out my hand and place my hope in Him, in His eternal, unchanging character. At the end of time, it will not matter so much if circumstances worked out as I dreamed. It will matter who God is and where I stand with Him.

It's easier said, than done, as the saying goes. The prayers of friends are priceless. I asked, and they have prayed for me to let go and let God.

Tonight, I have peace. Where is my hope? At this moment, as far as it depends on me, it is in the Hands of my Father. He holds my hope as He holds my life. I'll let Him worry about my tomorrow, while I go to sleep tonight.