What Do I Do with This Hope?

Normally, we think of hope in a good sense. And, it is, properly applied. But, what do you do with hope that creeps in and is unassigned, as it were; it's too early to label it good or bad?

Obviously, this comes from some thinking I've been doing lately. A hope has awakened that is, in itself, neither good nor bad. It is just hope. I feel like I've been holding it in my hand, analyzing it. Should I crush it? Should I nurture it? With it comes fear. If it is not something that may be reality, I fear the heart sickness of hope deferred (Proverbs 13:12).

I'd have to say, overall, I'm a fairly contented person. I easily entertain myself, I'm happy in solitude or in the company of good friends or co-workers. That's why when this sleeping giant, that I thought might actually be dead, awakens, it disrupts my whole life. This time it is based on a more real hope than I have possibly ever known.

So this is what it came down to: I was counseled, indeed I counseled myself as well, to trust in God. He (of course, He does!) has the best in mind for me. If He doesn't want it, logically, I wouldn't want it either. Right? Emotionally, however...

C.S. Lewis is quoted as saying, “We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” More and more I relate to the man in the New Testament that said to Jesus, "I believe, help my unbelief."

I find I'm more complex then I thought. My motives are never fully clear, even when I think I know them. I'm comforted that David, Paul, and others in the Bible also discovered this about their own hearts.

In Psalm 19:12, David said, "Who can discern his errors? Clear me from hidden faults."

Paul concurred, "My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me....He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts..." 1 Corinthians 4:4, 5

So, though I trust God, I find, at the same time, a battle to trust Him. If you have lived long, you will probably relate. I believe that at the end of the day, what He wills is exactly what I would want. Yet, what do I do with this hope? Do I trust God that the hope is good and will be fulfilled?

No. I must trust God to be God. That's all. I hold out my hand and place my hope in Him, in His eternal, unchanging character. At the end of time, it will not matter so much if circumstances worked out as I dreamed. It will matter who God is and where I stand with Him.

It's easier said, than done, as the saying goes. The prayers of friends are priceless. I asked, and they have prayed for me to let go and let God.

Tonight, I have peace. Where is my hope? At this moment, as far as it depends on me, it is in the Hands of my Father. He holds my hope as He holds my life. I'll let Him worry about my tomorrow, while I go to sleep tonight.