This time of year--fall, winter, Thanksgiving, Christmas--sets me thinking about years past. Almost inevitably, I feel an ache for an intangible day, an idyllic childhood, a memory of complete acceptance in my family. Almost inevitably, in my memory, I come up empty of such a life, day, moment. Why?
One of my favourite authors, C.S. Lewis, tried to capture and analyze this feeling throughout his lifetime. He called the ache "Joy" and described it as different from both pleasure and happiness. In his youth, Lewis discovered the feeling inexplicably rising up in the midst of a piece of music or a story. It could never be duplicated at will from the same music or story, however.
Looking back in his autobiography, Lewis wrote, "I doubt whether anyone who has tasted it would ever, if both were in his power, exchange it for all the pleasures in the world. But then Joy is never in our power and pleasure often is.... Joy is distinct not only from pleasure in general but even from aesthetic pleasure. It must have the stab, the pang, the inconsolable longing.... All Joy reminds. It is never a possession, always a desire for something longer ago or further away or still 'about to be'.... I sometimes wonder whether all pleasures are not substitutes for Joy."
At this time of year when Nostalgia settles in with the bustle of activity, what is it really that you are longing for? Could you go back to it or is it just a stab of Joy?
Under the "Pursuing the Wind" heading, is that a quote from something you wrote? I really like it! Great first blog too :)
ReplyDeleteand by "a quote from something you wrote" I mean, "a quote OR something you wrote."
ReplyDeleteThat's something I wrote. Thanks, Jame! :)
ReplyDeleteQuite beautiful and deeply thought provoking. Profound. I would expect no less.
ReplyDeleteSome pleasures bring Joy, particularly new discovery. And Joy most certainly can never be duplicated at will. The notion of pleasures as substitutes for Joy is like a numbing drug for the sadness of lost Joy. Like a drug addict or junkie who can never achieve the high of his first time and must consume more and more while receiving less and less pleasure.
It is more a state of life or being, that one is open to Joy that it comes. As it is not possible"at will", seeking it almost guarantees it to not be found. Seeking Joy through pleasure is a very sad state.
Seek pleasure purely out of the joy (small "j") of it, and once in a while life surprises you and real Joy tumbles onto you.
Are all pleasures substitutes for Joy? Only if you view it, or more importantly pursue it that way. The pleasure of a flower, a popsicle, or a kiss, a sunrise, are the sublime things that make life worth living.
Joy? Oh yes, the longing the stab the pang and every once in a great while, if we're lucky, when we lest expect the electric warming flash of the real explosion through us ... leaving us full of the light that shifts and settles into the inconsolable memory, and the drug addicts desire for more.
"Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
Pleasure should be set unto itself. It is not our methadone to our heroin. Scrupulously this must be avoided. A sunrise may bring the stab, the pang or on another day bring simply a smile. Let the Wind decide. Human minds & hands mess these things up.
And oddly there is a pleasure to the pang, to the stab to the inconsolable longing, the sadness. What is this pleasure? That we know we can feel? We dive into it let it vibrate through us, looking for the gem of the original Joy we remember, searching, knowing it is there even when it is not. Still the vibrations resound in our longing.
"Never a possession", an insightful truth. What is it really? Perhaps not living in the moment and letting life happen, looking but not living.
"desire for something longer ago or further away or still 'about to be'.... "
We roll in it and wonder.