Motives

Recently, I asked God to open my eyes to sin in my life. I find the more I'm conscious of my own weaknesses, the greater my reliance on Him and, therefore, the greater freedom and peace I feel.

He answered.

It started out with a careless e-mail that infuriated a co-worker. Then, slowly, I began analysing why I went out of my way to tell people I was praying for them or even just going out of my way to listen. It made me feel good. I wanted to know why, so I began spying on myself.

My conclusion? I like to be liked. It's part of my personality, but others sometimes view it as a sign of spirituality. It isn't. I may die with the praise of my peers and reap silence before God.

Oswald Chambers said most of us don't act rude or say what we feel before others because we're cowards; we don't want to be disliked.

So is this revelation just one of depression; that what appears good is backed up by selfish and self-centred motivation? No, I don't think so.

When I realize my motives, I surrender them to God. I can't stop being friendly or trying to encourage others because my motives might not be pure (for I'm sure sometimes it is used and isn't backed by consciousness of me). I can and do realize with this revelation just how much I need a Saviour to save me from me and from sin.

Jesus paid my penalty once for all, but I still need Him to carry and cleanse me. This is part of the relationship. This is part of what theologians call "sanctification." I am saved from the penalty of my sins, but am still in the process of breaking sinful habits and becoming separated to God. The proof of the former is that I hate sinning.

This is where the freedom comes. I confess my sins, and God forgives me (1 John 1:9). I surrender my motives.

Paul says that none of us can truly know all the motives of the heart:
"I have a clear conscience, but that doesn't mean I have God's approval. It is the Lord who cross-examines me...He will also bring to light what is hidden in the dark and reveal people's motives..." (1 Corinthians 4:4-5)

The Psalmist says: "Who can notice every mistake? Forgive my hidden faults. Keep me from sinning. Do not let anyone gain control over me. Then I will be blameless, and I will be free from any great offense. May the words from my mouth and the thoughts from my heart be acceptable to you, O LORD, my rock and my defender." (Psalms 19:12-14)

Knowing my sin reminds me where my righteousness comes from. It is not an excuse to keep on sinning. It is an excuse to keep on reaching out to Jesus.

What about you? Do you have an area where others think you are good, but you have realized you do it for the wrong reasons?

It's freeing to let go of the facade and trust God.