God and Life

At the end of the book of Job, God addresses the questions raised about justice and Himself. Interestingly, He doesn't explain why horrible things happened to Job; He doesn't even comfort him. God merely points to His own intimate knowledge and control of every aspect of creation; then He asks Job if he considers Him injustice.

Many have analyzed this story. Many theories have been written about why God responds to these five people the way He does. The thing most striking to me, however, was how God held them accountable for what they said and did after they were confronted by Him. Not that He didn't care what went on before, but a change of heart in every one of them is what He sought. Only Job responded with spontaneous confession when his focus was changed from himself to God.

Many suffer all over the world every second of every day. We may ask why, but until it is our community, our friend, our loved one, we don't often ask with passion. When pain hits home, that is when questions often change from why suffering to who is God and is He someone I want to know? "We receive His blessings and know His word, but do we know Him?" author Oswald Chambers questions.

One of the greatest fears of my adult life has been the fear of grief. I have had a comfortable life, and yet have experienced occasions of internal pain, grief that felt like it would suffocate me, sorrow that felt so heavy that death was more welcome than living that way. Thankfully, the grief did not remain so intense, either because it was not tied to anything tangible or because the sorrow came over time in different ways. Some grief is like chronic pain; it is possible to go through a day or longer unaware that you feel pain until something happens that either intensifies the pain or reminds you of it. What I have experienced is no worse than anyone's experience who lives into adulthood. On the contrary, it is better than most. I internalize more and am intensely conscious of thoughts and feelings.

But it is this awareness of the intensity of grief which causes me to struggle to not give in to fear. I have often questioned my own allegiance to God. Is it built on the basis of what He has done for me? Is it contingent on what He will continue to do for me? Or is it based on a relationship, on years of spending time with Him? Is He strong enough to bear my grief when all other hope in this life has died? Can He carry me in victory to the grave?

I doubt myself more than anything. I cling to His promise that He has begun a good work in me and He will accomplish it completely on the day Yeshua the Messiah returns (Php 1:6). I say to Him when I am most scared, "I trust You."